For the last few weeks I've been ranting to anyone who will listen about my fear of donning a bikini this Christmas. Just to clarify, this isn't some kind of odd festive tradition I have, I'm off to Australia with my family for a month and the ridiculously high temperatures mean that covering up just won't be an option.
Contrary to previous blog posts, I am not particularly unhappy with my size, I adore food and, until recently, I consumed on average 2 chocolate bars a day (probably shouldn't admit that...). However, like the majority of women (and a good deal of men), the build up to beach time has finally gotton to me and I've attempted to embark on a vaguely healthy eating plan in order to tackle the problem areas that will otherwise leave me hiding behind my towel on Bondi beach.
Thing is, it's pretty difficult to follow any kind of diet around the lead up to Christmas. Firstly, it's a pretty solitary activity. I mean who the hell restricts their calorific intake at the time of year when food and drink is plentiful and over indulging is often encouraged? Secondly, temptation is EVERYWHERE. I only have to walk down my road to be confronted by adverts for Christmas themed hot chocolate (yeah thanks Costa) and the cold, dark nights call for carb-heavy feasts as opposed to salads.
Anyway, back to my original point. Bikini body panic. Yes, once a year women are encouraged to diet their way to an acceptable pool-side figure, despite many being perfectly happy with their bodies throughout the rest of the year.
Now I'm all for getting in shape and making the most of what I've got however (and I know this phrase can be over-used when promoting a healthy body image) we are not meant to look like models. If we were, God would have created calorie-free ice cream and burritos which contained a magical fat burning ingrediant. As this is not the case, I can confidently say that I'm probably meant to have areas of my body which are slightly (okay very) wobbly and thighs that touch (unless I stand with my legs wide apart but that will just look odd in the holiday snaps).
I would also like to point out that wearing a bikini is not, for the majority of us, a natural state of affairs. When else do we strip down to garments the size of (if not smaller than) our underwear and carry on with our day to day business like nothing's up? Caitlin Moran makes the point that women shouldn't waste time worrying about their less than perfect physiques as we are quite simply not required to look amazing without clothes. I completely agree with this whilst I'm sat in shivering in the UK, however when we venture to warmer climates the rules seem to change.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that we should all swap our bikinis for wetsuits, I'm merely pointing out the reason why so many women feel sheer terror at the prospect of a holiday in the sun. It's not always down to a lack of self confidence (in the right outfit we can all look fabulous), issues with food or plain narcissim; it's often just our reaction to wearing next to nothing for extended periods of time. It is an odd feeling when we spend the majority of the year layering up and being able to distract ourselves from the snugness of our clothes by our clever useage of accessories.
I've realised I always end my blog posts with some kind of 'moral', a bit J.D. from Scrubs style (kind of trying to phase that out...), however I'm not really sure where I'm actually going with this one. I'm still going to cram in as much exercise as possible before I jet off and I'll still look longingly at the hot chocolate adverts until I'm back on UK soil, safe in the knowledge that any extra pounds can stay hidden under an oversized jumper. So in that sense, I'm kind of contradicting what I've just written. I have, however, just consumed the best part of a 100g green and blacks chocolate bar so I suppose I'm letting the idea of perfection go...
The main aim of this post was to have a bit of a vent about the idea that we should suddenly shed the weight we've accumulated over the year and be beach ready in a matter of weeks. This is also an apology for boring my friends senseless with my recent calorie talk. Forgive me, I'm simply doing what society seems to expect of any woman on the run up to her holiday.
And on that note, I'm off to bulk buy bikins from ASOS in the hope that at least one will fit!
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